Theledge.net

I am not a good cook. I worked in the kitchen of a pretty fancy resturant when I was in high school, first as a dishwasher, later as a cook. Our chef was fantastic, mainly because he never fired me, but also because he fought tooth and nail to provide great food while budgets were being cut. Unfortunately, the only thing I learned from that experience was how to cook for anywhere between 15 and 500 people, by using industrial equipment.

I guess I’m not too bad on a grill. And I can do breakfast pretty well (I was the omelet guy at the Sunday brunches. And not with the cheesy little frying pans over the propane range... We used a 5' by 3' electric grill that you could make 8 omelettes on at once. I probably didn’t look too fancy or proper as I sweated over that grill, but no-one ever complained).

Anyway, note my decided lack of any knowledge about cooking for fewer than 15 people. That is why I am not a very good cook.

I tend not to measure things. I tend to smell things a lot. I tend to make big portions. I tend not to use recipes. I tend to come up with things that only I would eat. I tend to use all of the miscellaneous stuff we have laying around the no one else will use. I am some-what reliant on Liquid Smoke, honey, and marshmallows. (You should have my baked apples... Mmmmm.)

So here was what I made for lunch today. I am documenting it so that if I die in the next 24 hours people will know why. I would not recommend anyone else try it (though I did think the flavor was pretty good, and I would make it again if I had some fresh stuff to put in it... And it needs something to thicken the sauce but I’m not sure what).

Sauce (loose description... It is just what you cook everything in and then discard):
Put it all in a saucepan:
About a tablespoon of red cooking wine (cheap, cheap, cheap... Ours was barely labeled).
About 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.
About a tablespoon of vanilla syrup (something like this, not vanilla extract).
Some water to spread the whole thing over the bottom of the pan (so that you don’t have to worry about burning anything if you walk away from it).
Some cut up strawberries (in large chunks though... These were actually frozen, so I didn’t add the water I mentioned above... And they were large chunks because they were originally whole frozen strawberries).

Allow to heat (slightly below simmer) for the time it takes to feed a five month old a 4-ounce bottle. Less if you use fresh strawberries.
Remove strawberry chunks and discard (the dog would have loved these, but I’m a big spoil sport).
Add some precooked frozen shrimp (we are in a landlocked state... I don’t trust the fresh and the uncooked frozen is just hard to defrost, and then cook right.. especially when I am well passed “hungry” when I start cooking).
Add a package of frozen mixed vegetables. (These had been partially thawed and refrozen, I think, since we had some refrigerator problems last month... But I don't think that is necessary to the recipe. Specifically, they were broccoli, carrots and water chestnuts.)

Cover and allow to simmer until everything is thawed.
Sprinkle, very lightly, some mustard powder, garlic powder (I forgot we have real garlic) and a touch of ginger over the stuff.
Fold the “sauce” over everything a little bit... Said “sauce” is actually mostly water, so folding is really more like... spooning, I guess.

Use a slotted spoon to remove everything from the “sauce” and serve it over a bed of rice (I use minute rice because boiling water takes work.)

Grate a little bit of macadamia nut over the top.

At this point it actually had no flavor, even though it should have. A small pinch of coarse salt and some butter and the flavors exploded. All told, about a 20-minute meal, with the baby eating in the middle of it.

Now if it doesn’t kill me it will have all been great.

Ohh, and honey ( I know you read this whole thing), there are some leftovers in the fridge. Unless you want me to make something else... And I want you to notice that there is no Liquid Smoke, marshmallows, or honey in this one. So you should like it. Right?